While many people do not believe there is such a thing as “finding your perfectly matched soul mate,” I've seen plenty of evidence that we can become each other’s soul mates as the result of a deep and lasting love relationship. If humans can develop finely honed skills in music, athletics, and language arts, wouldn't it be equally possible for them to become perfectly suited and completely irreplaceable to their spouses? A musical genius develops perfect pitch and can create soul-stirring compositions of musical beauty.Someone who becomes fluent in a language “thinks” in that language—there is no effortful retrieval once the language becomes second nature.
For a couple love and respect for each other have been practised so repeatedly that thoughts of separation or divorce are completely alien. As in case of Indian marriages, if not love, then respect for each other is so well practiced that thoughts of separation or divorce are completely off the mind. Both of them become indispensable to each other over a period of time. The relationship becomes so multifaceted that none can live happily while the other is unhappy.Two individuals who have become perfect for and irreplaceable to each other have become soul mates. In this way, soul mates become each other’s “one in a billion perfect match.” This for me is the form that a soul mate takes in one’s life.
As I typically say, arrange-married couples are launched by their families in an atmosphere of great extravaganza, these couples pass a threshold of being indispensable for each too early. This transition by the way would be different for each couple. Perhaps this shift is the result of successful reconnection because of the two families which too get married to each other along with their children. However this is not a passive process. Marriages don't get better a time passes alone, but they get better as and when two partners continue to treat each other with love, respect and affection. So marriage is a function of time and people. M=f(T*P);
As a result of this, partners must continue to treat each other with love and respect , despite the challenges life brings.
Whenever two individuals become each other’s soul mate, the remaining years of marriage are grounded in security and a rare and special form of intimacy. As I see it, during the soul mate phase of a well-nurtured marriage, the developmental tasks would be to celebrate and make meaning of the life you have lived together, operating as sacred keepers of each other’s thought processes, and to become generative together towards others. One hallmark of couples who have passed into the “soul mate” phase of their marriage is that they continually bless and inspire others through the way they treat each other and those around them.
In the mid stages of marriage, couples realize that just love for each other is not enough. They need to work and toil so hard to live a perfect life and fulfill the aspirations of their kids. This is the period when the priorities suddenly change. For e.g if they have kids, then the mother's allegiance is always towards the kid and the man is busy working hard, earning dollars or rupees to fulfill the aspirations of his childhood. Both mom and dad live the life they couldn't through the kid. During this period, the time spent with each other is minimal. The communication happens through the kid, but the love for each other remains.
In the final stages of life, the love that can be felt is a deeper, more satisfying level of love than anything that anyone encounters in the first few years of the relationship. In one sense, to make a comparison between the experiences of love at these two relationship stages is like comparing apples and oranges. I would argue that love of a deep and meaningful kind is only possible when based on real knowledge. If being loved is based on being known for who you are and cherished despite your flaws, then the feelings one has during the initial goody goody phase of a relationship can’t be love. These feelings would be some combination of other pleasurable things like hope and attraction or may be physical pleasures. If you doubt this, then consider the difference between your first crush or first love and your real marriage which you had endured all these years, the person who has been by your side through thick and thin, who has invested his/her time and energy in you.
As an analogy, imagine the way it would feel to move into your dream home, full of excitement and thrilling plans for the future (in parallel to the goody goody phase of a relationship). Now, imagine the feelings of love and attachment you would have about the same home after making every square inch of the home suited to your personal tastes and filling it with layer upon layer of joyful memories over the course of a full and rich life (in parallel to the tested romanticism phase). The feelings you would have in either case cannot be compared as equals, but I would guess that most of us would cry harder if the home full of memories caught fire.
So what is the reason behind the hight success rate of Indian marriages? It is the time and energy which two people invest in each other along with their families, which makes it a highly stable framework in place anywhere in the world.
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